Saturday, April 17, 2010

我是云先生,我一直在凝视着她 (I am Mr Cloud, I have been watching her)

許茹芸 - 獨角戲

I remember when i first knew her
she was standing at the edge of the water
staring deep into the eyes of mr sun
I could feel the pain in her heart
I could sense the coldness of it despite the warmth from the sun
I saw her stare at me with so much sadness in her eyes

She drove around a lot
she came to the waters every other day to look at me, while chasing mr sun
sometimes she took pictures of us
sometimes she just stared blankly at us
There were some times I saw sparkles of tears on her face while she watched me change into different colours under the shine of mr sun
Many times I wanted to ask her to go home because Mr Rain was throwing tantrums at me...
so many times she drove to the water and Mr Sun was not there for her
But I was always there to feel her...
Sometimes, when I am lucky, I catch her smiling as she embraced the beautiful scent of Mr Breeze carrying the scent of fresh grass as he went pass her...

One evening, been a while since I found her
She was jogging alone along the long path
She had a strong, determined expression on her face
She was staring up at us and she had a smile on her face
She looked as if she found a new life
First time I saw her running so fast and far!
I chuckled together with her as she ran and stretched out her arms

But there were still some nights when I noticed her
Looking tired as she was pacing quickly along the path
she seemed to be healing the aching joints
she revealed a lonely expression on her face
she seemed to be listening to a sad piece of music
i sensed her breathing accelerate as the music built into a sad emotion
I sensed her digging deep into her heart as she listened to that piece of dreadfully beautiful but sad music
Searching so deep into her past
i saw her intense expression as she ran
I saw her tears form in her eyes while she ran thru the slides of the past
i felt the pain she was experiencing as those sad music stung her heart
I saw her strong determination to tell herself those days have passed
I applauded her for gathering the courage to face the past and fought against the negative thoughts
I saw her swallowing those sourness into her throat and carried on running
I saw her lift up her down hung head and stared high up at us again.

Many afternoons I saw her peeking at us as she drove
And there were some evenings when I am looking my best
I get so worry that she is not looking at the road at all

I clearly remembered this evening when I watched her while she went for a drive
Many thoughts seemed to be running through her head
She was disappointed on some cruel facts of life
She became really tired of being on her own
She sobbed as she drove
She was blaming herself for having such a life
I saw her trying to convince herself she was special
I saw her convincing herself someone will appreciate her truly someday.
when she was crying that night
I cried with her...

There was also an evening when Mr Rain was dancing
I saw her running as she faced the sky
A smile emerged as she ran
I could feel her filling her lungs with the scent of the cool rainy breeze
i could sense the happiness within her as she enjoyed that connection with all even who are faraway
she smiled at the thought that she was running like a free soul
she found what truly made her feel herself
I could hear her thanking god for giving her this new her
I could sense her becoming a strong person who will overcome everything

Recently, during this late afternoon, i saw her driving pass the same route
she stared at me and praised me in her heart on how beautiful i looked in the arms of the sunset
i wanted to tell her so much
i like that she is this person who smiled at the little things in life
I like the "her" who realized that it is such a great gift simply that she is breathing
I like this her who stopped and played with stray cats and admired the wild flowers without a care about troubles coming tomorrow.
I wanted to tell her how proud of her I am,
So proud to see that she knows it is ok to cry very hard when she thinks about the past...
but to always remember to laugh doubly hard when she thinks about the future . :)

I am Mr Cloud
looking proudly at my girl, my Sunchaser.

Written by Nictay_27

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